Crimson Instinct

Chapter 121: Showdown in Tianjin (14)

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*Bai Li*

It was silence as I revealed everything. I could only hear the sound of the wind brushing past me.

I said, "I said what I wanted to. Now your turn. Why do you want to kill Zhang Ning?"

It said nothing for a while.

I didn't have time. Zhang Ning might be bleeding, and if this went on, then, she could pass out.

I heard the pitter-patter of that person typing.

"Because I like it."

I said nothing. Shouldn't it like killing me more than her?

Zhang Ning gasped again. "Ah... pain"

She moved uneasily in my arms.

I said, "Don't move. You would aggravate your condition."

"Where is Chu Jie and Cocoa?"

I knew that it wouldn't answer me; nevertheless I asked.

Once again, I heard the sound of her typing. "I have nothing to say."

I gritted my teeth. I knew this was not the time to lose my calm, but I couldn't help but get worried about Cocoa and Chu Jie.

"Why do you kill your victims?"

"I have nothing to say."

Silence.

This was an excellent chance to catch this person, but I had to prioritize Zhang Ning. I could hear her breathing getting more ragged and weak.

It typed again. "How about I finish her off and get on my way?"

"You...who are you?" Zhang Ning asked.

It typed. "Your death."

"W-why? What have I... done to you?" I sensed that she was getting tired.

"Shouldn't you know it better than me?"

I narrowed my eyes.

This person...does it know Zhang Ning personally?

"I...don't know what...you are talking about... Please let us go"

It typed. "Sure. After I kill you first. One more shot and game over."

I heard it move and sensed it walking towards us.

"Leave her soldier. You wouldn't be able to save her."

I twitched my brow. Suddenly, I felt breathless and uncomfortable.

That person was right.

How was I supposed to help Zhang Ning? I didn't have a gun. Yi Xing's gun was lying somewhere far ahead where I couldn't reach. The person in front of me had a gun loaded, and it was ready to shoot Zhang Ning at any moment.

I felt wet and cold on my forehead.

Was I sweating?

Shit. I am panicking again. What should I do? I don't see anyway. If I move, then that person wouldn't hesitate to shoot her down.

I felt my body shaking a bit. 

No, no, no. Zhang Ning is going to die if I just sat here doing nothing. I moved a bit, but then I heard the robotic voice again.

"Don't do anything stupid, soldier. If you forced me to shoot you, then how would you find Chu Jie and Cocoa? Don't you want to see your dog again?"

Cocoa

I gritted my teeth.

I...I cannot do anything. This is useless. I cannot save Zhang Ning. 

She will die just like Tan Ye. Once again, I would be the cause of somebody's death.

I froze.

Again?

Another death?

I gasped sharply. Suddenly, I felt an urge to puke, and I felt dizzy.

'Your negligence killed Tan Ye, Major Bai Li.'

'You still suffer from PTSD.'

'Major Bai Li. This court doesn't see you sit to serve in the Army anymore.'

'This court gives you a dishonorable discharge.'

I felt my throat gag and a sharp pain shot in my head.

I clutched my head, pressing it hard, trying to ease it, but it was of no use. The pain wasn't lessening a bit.

In my daze, I heard that person say something in a robotic voice, but I couldn't hear it clearly. "I see. You...getting another anxiety"

What? What is it speaking? I cannot hear anything.

I felt as if everything was going blank.

Then I felt somebody shift in my arms.

"...Li...you okay?"

Who is talking? I cannot hear anything! Who is it? Who is moving?

Oh yes...it's Zhang Ning...I remember now

No...I cannot give up like this.

"Ha! Give up, Bai Li! You are good for nothing!"

What? It's my voice.

"Give up. You cannot do anything right. That poor woman is going to die too."

"No, Bai Li. You are strong. You can do this."

Huh? It was my voice again... what is happening?

One voice was telling me to give up, and the other was telling me to go on.

Ughhhh!

Two voices were fighting against each other, and I didn't know whom to listen to.

No, no, no. C-Calm down. Remember what Kang Yuan said.

"Bai Li. If you find yourself getting anxious again, then try these methods. First, breathe in and out and relax your body. Droop your shoulders that would have become stiff and let your body loosen it up."

I took some deep breaths in and out, but it wasn't helping at all!

"Repeat this mantra in your head. 'This feeling is only temporary. I will get over it.' When you continuously say it, you train your mind to think positively."

I repeated that same line over and over again until I got sick of it. 

"Think about the good times you spent in recent days. Remember them. Remember the feelings that those memories gave you and let its positivity fill your heart."

I didn't need to think about it twice. The only memories that flooded my heart were about Xin Lei. Even though I couldn't see them, even if I couldn't picture them, the sensations, the emotions, the touch, and everything was livid in my mind. The first time I met Xin Lei, the night we confessed our feelings, the night we first kissed, and the time we spent together overwhelmed me.

I remembered the feeling of her hugs, her smell, and the sensation of her soft body pressed against mine. I didn't know what she looked like, but I imagined her smiling at me. 

'Bai Li. Promise me that you would never blame yourself again.'

'I trust you, Bai Li.'

'I like you, Bai Li.'

Surprisingly, I felt my heart wasn't racing like a marathon as before. I wasn't entirely calm. I knew that, but I didn't have those wild thoughts banging my head anymore.

Xin Lei... please hug me againI cannot do this, Xin Lei. You trust me, but I am letting you down again and again.

I remembered the situation I was in. There was no way out; Zhang Ning's life depended on me, and as I thought that, I felt myself feeling negative again.

'Give up Bai Li! You are useless.'

'No, Bai Li. You are smart and strong, and you can do this.'

No...please stopstop talking already.

I am so...tired.

I sensed someone's footsteps coming near me. It was going to shoot.

No...I have to stop it. I tried to get up, but I stumbled. 

Then I don't know what happened.

*Bang*

G-gun shots?

Ah...I failed again. Zhang Ning is dead just like Tan Ye.

I lost again. I couldn't save her.

I could faintly hear some footsteps rapidly running around. I smelled the gunpowder in the air. There was some commotion going on. But nothing was registering in my mind.

Another sharp pain shot in my head. I was shivering from head to toe as if somebody had drowned me in ice water.

The last thing I felt before passing out was somebody wrapping me in its arms. Its skin was so soft, just like Xin Lei.

Ah? Why does it feel so familiar? 

I felt a hand patting my head and shaking me. I felt something warm and wet drop on my cheek. I felt it holding my hand and clutching it hard with all its might.

Who was it? Why was it trembling, just like me?

But I liked it. I liked its smell. It was a sweet candy smell that reminded me of Xin Lei.

I felt my eyelids shutting down. And then it was nothing.

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'Bai Li... please save me. I am shot, Bai Li. Please save me!

'I don't want to die, Bai Li. Only you can help me.'

'Why aren't you doing anything!'

'Bai Li. It hurts...pain'

I heard a woman crying. It was from Zhang Ning. I recognized her voice.

'I am dead, Bai Li. All because of you! You couldn't save me!'

Then I heard a man's voice. 'You failed me too.'

W-was it Tan Ye?

'I was just a simple worker. Why did I have to die? Why weren't you careful, soldier? I would have been alive now if not for your carelessness!'

I...I

'I am dead.'

'I am dead.'

'You couldn't save us.'

No. No. I did my best. I

I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn't.

Suddenly, I felt two hands grasp my neck, strangling it. I was feeling suffocated.

'We died. Now you have to die too, soldier. Only your death can avenge us.'

'Die.'

'Die!'

I gasped sharply and suddenly got up.

"Haaaaa!"

I breathed heavily like I had climbed a huge mountain.

I was still in a daze when I felt somebody tightly hug me.