There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Chapter 147: A-maze-ing

Nu watched the group move deeper into the Pygmy Caves; his feelings on them hadn’t shifted much. He was still every part of the Dungeon that Delta cast off to retain her humanity.

If they died... he would shed no tears.

“I thought the Pygmy Key was taken last time by young Deo and his friends. Should it not still be recovering its energy?” came a soft voice as Devina emerged, her orange bird perched on her shoulder. Nu turned, his faint blue avatar now fully humanized to a young teen.

Nu preferred to be a box, things were less complicated when he was a square.

“The worm is refusing to allow them to participate in his trial. I could force him to let them, but when Delta awakens, he’ll cry to her then she’ll get on my case... I just redirected the trial energy to the Pygmies for now. It’s enough,” Nu said simply, not expressing his actual displeasure with Bob aloud.

“They did crush his friends,” Devina pointed out.

“Yeah, they really stepped in it,” the bird chirped in time. Nu would punt the bird as far as he could, if he thought it would actually have any lasting impact.

“Monsters refusing to do their duty because their feelings were hurt is disgraceful, but that is for Delta to fix. She has a better handle on making them obey. I’m merely the pretender-king for now,” Nu said, turning to float towards the other side of the floor.

“You make Mother sound like a tyrant,” Devina said bemusedly as she followed him.

“More like a natural disaster, but that’s besides the point. This floor has so many ways to be exploited, it’s going to be a mess when we have to deal with more than just one group,” Nu sighed as he watched birds of paradise and rabbits frolocking instead of deadly pythons or blood-sucking leeches.

At least the Pygmies rode their piggy steads well enough.

“I have been wondering about that,” Devina said smoothly as she checked a plant by her feet, clearly satisfied with its growth.

“Hm?” Nu asked as he made his way past the bee rock formation.

“How do Dungeons handle groups? Surely, if the outsiders just kept pouring in, no Dungeon could keep themselves safe, correct?” she asked and Nu nodded.

“Not that Delta has asked, but there is a system in place for such things,” Nu admitted.

“Later, when she developed a few floors, she’d be able to create echoes. Simulacrum of all the monsters and floors. Automatons with perhaps a sliver of your actual personality in place. These echoes are weaved between key anchor points in the Dungeon. Safe spots, certain bosses, and the core room,” Nu said as he examined the honey pools with idle curiosity of honey bombs dropped on panicking adventurers. It made him feel good inside to think of such things.

“But now?” Devina pushed.

“When enough people enter a floor, their mana pushes Delta’s mana back, sort of creating air bubbles in water so to speak. That mana presses up against the entrance of the floor and begins to compile into a barrier. Only someone with stronger mana can pierce through and join the others... so it’s a sort of ‘the deeper you go, the less you can progress’ when others are about. Mana gates are more a byproduct of being invaded than any clever design, however,” Nu warned.

“So, if a strong person was to sit drinking in Fera’s bar...” Devina trailed off.

“Like the demon woman, Ruli? Yes, the entrance altogether would be quite impossible to enter without effort. If you wanted to lock down a Dungeon from shifting or creating too many new traps or monsters, you would need to place a very weak person on each floor which in itself is a risk to that person dying of Mana poisoning. Dungeons are tricky things to abuse,” Nu said proudly as if this Dungeon were his own...

Devina frowned as she thought.

“But many people entered when others were already inside,” she recalled. Nu had to give her credit for her sharp mind. She was one of the few monsters Nu didn’t mind as a creature.

“Intent is two-thirds of the game. Mana is enriched with intent so when one dives into a Dungeon, they want to covet it... complete it... keep the treasure, and so on. Ruli, Quiss, and the others had no such issues,” Nu concluded.

“Everyday, my home becomes more impressive,” Devina mused, “Does Mother’s mana have intent?” she asked curiously. Nu paused for a long moment.

Technically, they were all made of Delta Mana which said everything really.

Nu turned to Devina and spoke softly.

“All is Delta. Delta is for All.”

---

“Welcome, one and all, to the tortuous pits of despair that is the Maze of the Pygmies,” Mharia beamed brightly as if she was some sort of demented tour guide.

“Oh, you’re back,” Estal said, with as much cheer as a graveyard. They stood before a large open stone arch that was leaking a cold mist,obscured the ground from sight. Vines and dark green foliage crept along the wall, occasionally thinning out to reveal complex symbols carved into the stone.

The entire subterranean cave was cold and the group kept feeling fingers on the back of their neck.

There was also a soft hum of organ music being blown through mushrooms on the ceiling.

Mharia feigned hurt before she broke the ruse with a smile.

“I couldn’t keep away. Drugs, murder, and oh my! You lot certainly have been going mad on the second floor. I love a little bit of madness,” Mharia promised and looked around.

“Still, you’re not here to listen to me babble for too long,” she mused.

“The maze is simple. Reach the end and get the key,” she said and Hazhur sighed.

“Simple isn’t the same as easy,” he pointed out, kicking off a tendril of mist climbing up his leg.

Mhaira smiled that demonic grin once more then cleared her throat.

“I won’t spoil too much, but if the Hotspring was to test your resolve... The maze here is to test something else entirely. This test will break those who look but are blind to see. The maze will set you free,” Mharia warned and vanished into the mist herself.

“I hate that creepy thing,” Estal shuddered.

“You’re no prize yourself,” Mharia’s voice echoed out the darkness.

“We shouldn’t antagonise the avatar of death and conquest,” Silver warned. Estal’s nostrils flared.

“She shouldn’t antagonise me, the avatar of grace and ‘done with her crap’,” she warned.

Karn ran his hand around the arch.

“Trap free, but then again not all traps are physical,” he stood up and tilted his head at the arch as if noticing something.

“Look here, it’s like a storybook,” he mused as the others gathered around. The frame of the arch depicted a sequence of events told in passing of time.

It began with what seemed like a flat piece of earth which in the next spot showed a sun-like symbol forming in the sky, casting rays down. In the next one... little figures began to rise from the ground as trees sprung up and birds took to the sky.

Estal moved her glowing staff closer to reveal more details

The little figures worshiped the sun, building a village, and growing.

The sun sent down a holy scroll of sorts and in the middle of the village a great key sprang into existence. From the key, light leapt to the people and three of the little figures were chosen, the image depicted them as becoming larger... more important.

“For some rocks, this is pretty compelling,” Hazhur had to admit. The next image was hard to miss since it seemed bigger than the rest. A monstrous looking tree demon was wreaking havoc and throwing the little mushroom people about, dark curses flowing out of its jagged mouth.

The sun appeared once more and slammed down three large gates, forming six keys with her tears.

Each key was given to a different figure but the carvings made it a little hard to make some of them out.

“Is that a bee on a chair?” Hazhur muttered.

“Oh, the big worm I upset has a key... sorry guys, I messed up there,” Karn said with regret.

“Bridge frog, bee on a chair, big worm, Luna the hot spring owner, the maze... but what is that?” Estal asked, jabbing a finger at what seemed like a skull under a... tent?

“Dunno, but look there,” Karn said, pointing to one of the last images which showed the Pygmies carrying the key into a deep cave where ghostly spectors of their dead watched from the walls.

“I don’t like ghosts... or dead things...” Estal said, cringing backwards away from the arch. She screeched as the organ music abruptly went into high gear with a thunderous applause. She turned, waving her staff at the mushrooms making the noise.

“YOU’RE NOT HELPING!” she yelled.

Karn and Hazhur shared a look before they took Estal by the arms and made her take charge as the barrier mage.

The mist was even thicker inside the maze and the temperature plummeted until their own breath was visible as they exhaled. The hallway was only big enough for two of them to stand side by side, causing them to double up. The carvings on the walls turned from history to almost warnings.

Several of them depicted demonic tree roots draining their insides while others showed skeletons covered in tiny little darts left to slumber in the maze forever. Estal turned and came to an abrupt stop, jostling some vines that dripped down from the ceiling.

“The wall... one of the drawings moved,” she hissed and Karn peered where she was pointing.

“It must have gone still, did it run towards us or away from us?” he asked and Estal blinked.

“You believe me?” she asked, surprised. Hazur didn’t, but he let Karn take the lead. Karn simply nodded and Estal pointed the way the carving seemed to have gone. They carefully moved forward as they came to an intersection. Hazhur reached over and placed a rock at the corner of the crossing to indicate which way they had come.

“Old wisdom says to keep turning right until you loop,” Hazhur said to the group and Estal looked down the passage he indicated. An ominous thrum was coming from deep in the maze; they all turned to stare at Hazhur doubtfully, but he refused to budge.

“Let’s get a move on,” he insisted.

---

Moments after they went down the hallway, the intersection began to grind, two of the hallways sealing shut, but before they closed fully, a tiny Pygmy ran out and snagged Hazhur’s rock and ran back into the wall, vines crawling down the wall to make it look authentic.

---

Haldi put his cheese platter down as his guests all squeezed into the converted old church that had become his home.

“Archmage?” Haldi repeated with a frown.

“Yeah, you knew him right? Like more than formally before you were exiled here right?” Quiss asked bluntly. Between him and Seth, Alpha was squished like a tiny piece of ham between two heels of bread.

“I suppose, if you call trying to kill each other as ‘knowing’,” Haldi admitted with a smile as he put down his second platter of cheese samples on the table. This selection was divine! One had been curdled inside a golem for three years. Another came from the milk of a particularly angry yak.

His guests were just being too darn polite to dig in, however.

“The West Grand Magus...knew you much?” Seth boggled as if the idea was a little preposterous. Haldi rolled his tongue. Right, Seth was from the east. He hadn’t heard good things about that mage circle. Not at all.

“Hard not to since we grew up together. Brothers, if you could believe it,” Haldi said and this even caught Quiss off-guard.

“You’re related to Opopal TalentDragon...” Quiss trailed off and Haldi just chuckled at their shocked expressions.

“Mage names tend to confuse the family connection. Most families tend to cultivate their kids to a particular branch of magic and thinking so they end up with the same similar mage name. Iron-Heart, Iron-Bark, Iron-Fist. But whole new mage families can spring into existence at the drop of a hat if the divide is too great,” Haldi said then eyed Quiss and Seth.

“You know this, surely? You were trained in the school,” he said as if they didn’t know. They both looked away.

“Our teacher was more focused on...” Quiss began but Seth finished for him.

“Us,” he said with a long look.

“Well... Oppy and I grew up in the good ole fashion style. He was the talented young master who could sneeze magic if he wasn’t careful. I was the second born useless child who practised until his fingers cracked and my eyes bled. I only ever really became an average mage compared to Oppy who rose up the ranks faster than you could blink,” Haldi sighed at the memories.

“But you’re strong,” Alpha spoke up abruptly, confused.

“Turns out that I was just ill-suited to most magic. Once I was given my niche... I bloomed just as well,” Haldi beamed and handed Alpha a cheese candy.

“So, why are you asking about Oppy?” Haldi asked with a sudden hard stare at the men. They shifted in a way that had Haldi wanting to call Mila over for a drink.

“We may have taken your brother’s job and given it to Alpha here,” Quiss said simply. Haldi blinked once then twice.

“Say again?” he asked bluntly.

Alpha held out his hands and a very familiar set of pristine magical robes appeared, shoes and hat included. Haldi gently picked up the garments and got a whiff of expensive terrible cologne.

“We pulled Alpha’s wizard name and it was... well, big. And considering your name... we thought you should know,” Quiss said slowly, but Haldi began to shake.

“He.. he...” he shuddered.

Then he broke into uproarious laughter, needing to sit down as the image of his brother being stark naked in the middle of his ‘palace’ wiped years of stress off Haldi’s back.

“Oh... he’s going to come here and kill you all,” Haldi said, wiping tears from his eyes as the three guests stiffened in alarm.

“He’s going to deaden us?” Seth whispered with a gulp.

“Well, he would, but thankfully, I find you all good kids so I can fend him off for ya,” Haldi promised as they gingerly took some of his cheese finally.

“Are you stronger than him?” Alpha asked curiously and Haldi liked the boy, he was so forward. Haldi inhaled and the sun seemed to dim through the grimy windows and the fire in the place flickered down as if cowering.

Shadows loomed in the room and the various pieces of cheese trembled.

“Well, they don’t call me Haldi TheBigCheese for nothing, my boy,” Haldi said smoothly.

Inside, he giggled at their pale faces.

Being an old fart had its benefits and this was just one of many.

---

“We’re lost!” Estal announced after Hazhur slid down a wall in defeat.

“There’s no airflow to follow and the vines aren’t staying still. I can’t track a way out,” Karn agreed as they looked around at the hallways.

“We’re going to turn into dart-covered skeletons! Wasting away,” Estal gasped, holding her figure as if someone was going to steal it from her.

“Excuse me...” Silver spoke up.

“We should eat Hazhur first, he has the most meat,” Karn said quickly, eyeing the muscular man.

“I don’t mind. Get me away from Estal’s whining faster,” the man muttered.

“Um... I think they’re-” Silver tried again.

“I wanna club him. A final mercy from ‘family’,” Estal said, raising her staff in annoyance.

“The walls are literally telling us which way to go!” Silver yelled, mana-voice pulsing. Everyone paused and looked at Silver. He was pointing to the wall where the symbol of little men running towards a key was moving to their left, but the other showed Pygmies despairing at a deadend.

“...I knew that, I just didn’t want to show off,” Estal said, smoothing her robe down before gesturing onwards.

“To the key! Together!” she declared and there came a rumbling from all around them.

Around them, in the eyes of monsters and stories, little wooden instruments poked out of the stone wall.

“Oh, little straws,” Karn mused before looking a lot closer. Countless little puffs went off and only a thin barrier from Estal kept them all from being punctured by a dozen little darts.

“You can thank me now,” Estal insisted with her eyes closed.

A wall slammed down behind them and began to grind forward, crushing rocks and vines as it raced towards them.

“We can outrun it at a brisk walk! It’s not that threatening!” Estal tried to assure her teammates, but a dozen little holes opened up on the wall and little spears poked through, creating a spiked-wall effect.

“...I’m going to shut up now and run,” Estal said with a quiet tone.

“It’s not the time or place, but I’m going to treasure you saying those words until I die,” Hazhur said, urging her along, putting himself between her and the wall. They ran along the wall and at the next split, Hazhur and Karn went to the left as Estal and Silver accidentally went right. Hazhur skidded to a stop and tried to redirect his course, but the hallways slammed down like a hammer.

“Estal!” Hazhur yelled as his cousin vanished behind thick rock barriers.

The wall he was about to start beating on sprouted more spikes and began to chase him. Karn grabbed Hazhur’s arm and dragged him away.

“Find them at the key. All roads go to the capitol!” he called and Hazhur stopped resisting and raced on.

---

Estal slowly lowered her hand, everything going quiet as she stared at the wall behind which Hazhur and Karn had vanished behind.

She turned to Silver and they stared at each other.

“...We should move on,” Silver said and Estal stiffly walked past him, trying not to imagine what was under his robes. The twisted melding of monster and human...

“I don’t see any key signs on the wall,” Estal finally said and Silver looked around, taking it all in.

“But there are new symbols,” he said, pressing a crooked finger to a symbol being prayed to by the Pygmies. Some sort of burning mushroom on an altar.

Estal spotted another symbol, a mushroom made up of two grinding cogs.

The burning mushroom lead to the left and the cog to the right.

They had a choice to make.

---

Hazhur stared at the large door with the single symbol dominating the walls.

A mushroom-shaped cloud that almost looked like a skull.

“Only one choice,” Karn said slowly.

There was no choice to be made.