Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter Gwen, a Nerd, and Mister Sticky: A Holiday Special!

“I can’t take it anymore!” an old former pirate yelled. “I want off of this hellhole!”

“Relax, Hatchet,” Captain Marakovich said even though he agreed with him one hundred percent, “Now, you knew what you were getting int…”

“NO, I DIDN’T” Hatchet yelled, “None of us did, not even you! If we did, there is no way in the mother void that we would have signed up for this bullshit!”

The captain sighed. Hatchet wasn’t the only one.

He also wasn’t wrong. None of them had any idea how bad Gwen would get. The crew was picked carefully. All of them were guilty of just about any crime, cruelty, or horror that one being could inflict upon another.

They were not saints. They were fiends, all of them, the absolute best of the worst.

They were no strangers to savagery, to horror…

…but there was horror, and then there was horror. There was natural savagery, and then there was what was happening on her ship, not his, hers.

There is no way he would allow what was going on otherwise.

“Hatchet, think about it. It really isn’t that bad,” he lied.

“Yes, it is!” Hatchet yelled. “For one thing, why isn’t it dead yet? It should be dead… IT SHOULD BE DEAD!”

***

My name is Mister Sticky… I think. That's what the little thing calls me.

I like her, She's nice. She is one of the only things that are.

Most things don't like me. They don't like me one bit. They press themselves against the walls as I walk past, and they say mean words. They say things like I shouldn't still be alive, that I'm unnatural, that I’m a monster.

I don't mind that so much. They are just things, so petty and trapped in their meager three dimensions... sorry... three plus one (as if that matters), poor linear things.

I almost feel sorry for them. No, I definitely feel sorry for them.

They wouldn't bother me at all, it would just be the buzzing of so many flies, but they say bad words about my girlfriend, too.

I hate them for that. Oh! I have a girlfriend! She's wonderful. She's pretty, oh so pretty, in three dimensions she is beautiful, but you should see her in realspace.

She's breathtaking, not that you actually breathe there, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I do have to share her, though. That's not exactly right. I have to share myself. It's okay, though. My boyfriend, the friend that I share my body with, is also beautiful. And he's kind, so very kind, and so careful with my flesh. He gently tends and sculpts it, making me more beautiful every time we visit him.

Soon I will be as beautiful as they are.

***

Lydia “Steel Peg” (do NOT ask how she got that name) Lark shuddered as she saw a wide crimson streak on one of the bulkheads.

It was fresh. That meant that freak was around here somewhere.

Suddenly, giggling echoed down the corridor, a young child’s giggling. Vee, the only child on this hell barge, was laughing about something.

Still giggling, Vee sprinted into view, large bloody handprints on her clothes.

Lydia quietly cursed as she flattened herself against a wall.

She knew what was coming.

Moments later, a horrific bloody “zombie” shambled clumsily into view. Twisted by exposure after exposure to hyperspace, he bore no resemblance to the rotund, pig-faced being he once was.

He bore no resemblance to anything, well, anything from this universe, anyway. His flesh hung from its body in long ragged strips, oozing blood, and the void knows what else wherever it went. Bone, or what could be bone, shone through gaps in its ever-twisting and changing flesh, especially around its head which was now no longer remotely Palg-like.

Palgs don’t have teeth like that. Then again, nothing has teeth like that.

There, in all its horrific magnificence, was Mister Sticky, Gwen’s “boyfriend.” Vee gave it the name because he was, by all accounts, sticky. Lydia never had the dubious pleasure of finding out…

…but the ooze on the walls, which she had bumped into more than once, was.

Mister Sticky groaned and shambled after Vee, his arms outstretched in a classic zombie pose, with Vee staying just out of reach.

They were playing zombie tag again, one of Vee’s favorite games, second only to “spaceships” with Gwen. However, Gwen was often busy, and Mister Sticky, Vee’s ever-present companion, was… ever-present, ever-available, and always ready to play with his little companion.

The shambling, clumsy movements of Mister Sticky were a lie. They were just part of the game. Lydia had, during their increasingly savage boarding actions, seen him move for real. He was fast, unnaturally so. Then again, unnatural was the only…

Lydia shrieked as Mister Sticky bumped into her as he passed. The bastard did that on purpose. He had to have.

And he was so very, very sticky…

Cursing, Lydia stomped towards the bridge, where the captain currently was.

This shit had to stop.

***

“I know, as pirates, concerning ourselves with the state of another’s sheets is normally not done,” Stephen “Professor” Klein said as he and a few comrades huddled around a table in the galley, “but have you seen them? It’s like she rolled around in strawberry jam.”

Belinda (just Belinda. She never got a cool name for some reason) looked down at her biscuit and tossed it on the table. (Guess what was in it.)

“Fuck you in the poo hole,” she grumbled as Professor smirked evilly.

“But seriously,” he said, “have you seen them?”

“Only when Piggy is carrying them to the laundry… poor thing,” John “Burnbaby” Woo said.

As if summoned by magic, a shell-shocked Vulxeen sneaked into the galley.

If they had tails, hers would definitely be between her legs.

It was Piggy, her real name forgotten, a Vulxeen that Gwen “spared” during a particularly nasty pirate action. By then, everyone refused to clean up after Mister Sticky and Gwen’s room after the jumps, so she needed a maid.

Considering that her friends and family were being chained to the walls during preparations for a jump, Piggy accepted.

It was now her life, scrubbing blood and ichor from walls, floors, furniture… Vee…

In addition, since the crew now refused to help Gwen line her walls with the next set of victims, Piggy also helped with that…

…She also tended the captives that Gwen had started keeping in one of the holds, future fodder for the next jump (Gwen hated running out.) The crew also refused to assist. The poor souls dying of starvation or thirst was a far kinder fate than what otherwise awaited them.

The horrors that poor little greypig had seen… The horrors that they had done…

“Hey there,” Professor said gently, causing Piggy to flinch. Yeah, she was a Vulxeen, and Porkies hated her race, but poor little Piggy was an object of genuine heartfelt pity, not hatred.

“Yeah,” Belinda said, “How’s it…”

Piggy burst into tears.

“T-There are children down there,” she wept as she buried her face in her hands. “Children! Gwen took kids!” she wailed, looking at the pirates imploringly, silently begging for their aid.

“That’s why she wanted to do that last one solo!” Professor snarled and leaped to his feet. “That was what was in those crates! That’s it! That is fucking it!”

He stormed from the galley.

“Hey, where are you going?” Belinda called out after him with genuine concern.

“I’m going to the captain!”

***

“Why kids?” Gwen shrugged as the captain glowered at her from the desk in his day room, “Why not? Meat is meat.”

Captain Marakovich looked at her in disbelief.

“Why not?” he snarled, “Are you being serious right now?”

“Compared to what you assholes did back in the day?” Gwen replied. “Come on, dude. You fuckers used to sell baby meat at a premium cause it was tender, and don’t even pretend that you didn’t. It’s a bit late for you old raiders to be growing a conscience. You are still going to Hell.”

Gwen smirked.

“We all are,” she added.

The captain looked at her in disbelief.

After the void knows how many jumps, how many weeks exposed to raw hyperspace, Gwen had ceased to be anything remotely human. Oh, she still looked human…ish. She was even still objectively pretty, beautiful even. She was just… alien. He didn’t know if it was the uncanny valley effect or maybe it was just because of what he knew, but her beauty didn’t elicit admiration or even lust.

It elicited in him exactly what it did in his crew, horror. Then again, they do say that Lucifer was beautiful.

At least she kept her eyes covered with a thick visor these days. His crew said that they were “ragged holes,” but they were even worse than that.

Her irises were gone, lost to hyperspace, and the pupil's edges, if you could even call it that, were eating away the white in delicate fractal patterns of the darkest dark he had ever seen. Thank the void that this made her very light-sensitive. If she didn’t wear that visor, the crew really would mutiny…

…not that it wasn’t a distinct possibility anyway. The thought of her “dragging” kids was the last straw. They were ready to kill her…

…or at least try. While the crew was confident they could, the captain wasn’t. Gwen was near unstoppable, and her cheerleaders? Jesus Christ. Where did Gwen find them? The only one of Gwen’s crew that was remotely normal was their techie, Susan.

Why was such a nice and wholesome, pretty girl in with those monsters?

“That was then, and this is now,” he replied as he forced his thoughts to return to the matter at hand. “And now there is no way the crew will stand for this. Hell, Gwen, they are one step from spacing us both, Jessica be damned!”

“Fiiine,” Gwen said as she mock-pouted, “But they are going to have to feed them, water them, and walk them. And you need to find me more prey. I don’t like my walls empty. They don’t like it, either.”

“Who is ‘they’?”

“Keep the meat coming, and you won’t have to find out,” Gwen smirked.

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” the captain snarled.

Gwen smiled widely, too widely.

The captain stared. What was going on with her mouth? For one fraction of a second, it looked… bigger?

She stood up with fluid grace.

“I’ve agreed not to drag the kids,” Gwen replied. “Is there anything else you want to bitch about, or are we done?”

“Almost,” Captain Marakovich replied. “The crew are complaining about your ‘boyfriend’. How long is that thing going to live?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Gwen sighed, “But that’s the thing about love. You don’t worry about how long it will last. You just embrace it while it’s here.”

The captain shuddered. What the hell did he have on his ship? If this was the “future of humanity,” he wanted no part of it.

Maybe he should space her.

“Well, if you do love that thing, keep it away from my crew. They are this close to killing it themselves.”

“The one who does replaces him,” she smiled. “We done?”

“For now,” the captain snarled.

“Geez, your crew are pussies,” Gwen muttered as she left his office.

A few moments after she left, he pressed his communicator.

“Captain?”

“Get me a line to the Devil.”

“About fucking time, sir.”

***

Susan looked in the mirror of her cabin and, for the thousandth time, tried to fight back tears. She was the only one of "Gwen's girls" who wasn't part of the cheer team at her old high school.

She was one of the "nerds," not a derogatory term, at least at her school. She was known for her brain, particularly her technical ability, and not her beauty and grace.

There was nothing "wrong" with her, not really, she wasn't fat, built strangely, or had an ugly face.

It wasn't that she was ugly.

She just wasn't anything.

She even used to be considered cute, the prettiest girl in the robotics lab. It's just that, compared to the others, she was hideous, at least in her own mind. They were all so pretty, so graceful, so...

…so not her.

All the pirates would stare at them with raw, naked lust, not like they would actually do anything. They were Gwen's, and nobody on that ship dared cross her.

It wasn't that she was overlooked, either. She drew many appraising looks, especially as the mission went longer and longer without a visit to a "friendly" port.

If anything, she got more actual attention. The others were too pretty, too perfect.

She was "normal" enough that a pirate thought they stood a chance.

They thought they had a chance with her. Some even made enthusiastic, if cautious, approaches. (She was still one of Gwen’s after all.) Some of them were quite handsome...

...if you were into guys, that is.

If she could only just be "normal," she would be in heaven with her pick of the "cream of the scum.”

But was she? Of course not.

That just made everything worse. None of the pirate women were "that way," and the other of Gwen's girls weren't, except for two who were in a relationship and weren't interested in including a third, especially one as bland as she was...

...or she supposed, anyway. There was no way she had the nerve to approach them.

Besides, her eye, and heart, were firmly affixed to someone else, someone who was as perfect as she wasn't.

Susan brushed her hair, inexpertly smeared on some lip gloss, grabbed her tablet, and, taking a deep breath, rushed out into the corridor.

"I-I have that report you wanted, Gwen," Susan said adoringly as she timidly approached divine perfection.

"Thanks, nerd," Gwen said cheerfully as she turned her visored face to regard her, making her heart skip a beat.

Gwen had taken to wearing heavy dark shades that completely obscured her vision and, unfortunately, her eyes.

People said that they were "ragged holes" or that it was like looking into hyperspace itself. (As if they would know.)

Susan thought they were beautiful. She could look into those eyes forever. She wanted to look into those eyes forever. She would do anything to look into those eyes forever...

…anything.

She stood there gazing up at Gwen just like a puppy would as she watched the object of her adoration carefully read the report, her offering to her goddess, praying that she would take off the visor and let her steal a peek at her beautiful, perfect eyes.

"I have a question," Susan said hesitantly, breathless, as she tried to keep her mind together.

Gwen had that effect on a lot of people, most people, actually.

But they didn't have it for the reason Susan did.

"Yeah?" Gwen replied absently as she continued to study the document.

"W-why did you ask me to do it?" Susan asked, "Why didn't you ask the actual engineer?"

Gwen smiled and lowered her visor, looking directly into Susan's adoring eyes.

Susan's breath froze as she stared into Gwen's completely iris-free eyes with the beautiful delicate fractal edges as the most beautiful perfect black slowly nibbled away the useless sclera.

It was the most beautiful thing Susan had ever seen, the perfect black and the "things" that could be seen in it.

"Because You are my nerd, not the captain’s," Gwen said, making Susan's heart skip a beat in her chest.

My nerd, she thought. She said that I was hers!

"...and I don't need the king of dorks finding out about this," she said, so keep it to yourself, okay?

"Yes, Gwen!" Susan enthused, "Anything for you!"

Anything…

***

Hyperspace at last! I am finally with my boyfriend! I love it when he is inside me. I love the searing kiss of true reality. I love my girlfriend. I love her so much.

I am truly happy. I am content. I am whole…

…I am loved.

She is talking to the others. They must resort to using dolls instead of flesh. They are so jealous!

They want flesh too.

"Sorry guys," Gwen said, "looks like kids are off the table, at least for now. Captain Dork lost his shit when he found them.

“BuT tHe QuEstIon oF thEir inCreAsed resPonsiVeness to chAngEs... We wErE prOmisEd...”

"Yeah, well, you're going to have to wait," Gwen told the small figurine, who would be pouting if it was an option. "Buuutttt…." She grinned, "There is going to be an interesting batch of fleshies coming up very soon and my ship is going to… be more accommodating. If you aren't set on a kid, then meat will be on the menu. If you want to wait on a kid, there will be a delay... but it’s not off the table... (heh) literally."

There was some grumbling among the ... beings? but they seemed mostly okay.

"Alright! That's enough business. Let's party!"

***

Susan watched as Gwen glided past, seeming to only be partially in this world.

It physically hurt to look at her. She loved her so much, and Gwen... Gwen barely noticed her existence.

She loved Gwen so much but hated being in her presence sometimes. Looking at Gwen made her feel small, flat...

…obsolete.

It was strange, but obsolete was the best word for what she felt. It was like she was yesterday's news. No. It wasn't just her.

Next to Gwen, everybody was yesterday's news.

It wasn't just her, nobody was worthy, fit to even look at her.

"Raaruh."

"Sweetie!" Gwen gushed as Mister Sticky shambled up, wrapping her arms around him in a loving, if messy, embrace,

"Rrrrrr," Mister Sticky rumbled.

"You are so sweet!" Gwen said and then gave him a little lick, "and tasty!"

"Glurr..."

"Oh, you are so bad!" Gwen squealed, "And you are just going to have to wait. We aren't jumping for another two days."

As Gwen and Sticky walked, hand in hand, down the hall, Susan's heart broke a little. Then, she lit up.

It wasn't that nobody was fit to be near her. There was one who did.

She couldn't be like Gwen. But she could make herself worthy.

Why hadn’t she thought of it before?

It was so simple!

***

Gwen and Sticky were cuddling in her comfortingly dimly lit room when there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" Gwen asked, her voice conveyed by the door speaker.

"G-gwen," Susan asked, "Can I come in?"

"It's unlocked," Gwen said.

As the door opened, Gwen reached for her visor.

"No!" Susan exclaimed.

Gwen cocked her head at Susan curiously.

"I... I like your eyes," Susan said shyly.

"Okay, " Gwen shrugged and looked at her with eyes that were somehow more visible in the dim light. "What's up?"

"I want..." Gwen said and then trailed off.

"You want what?" Gwen replied with a chuckle. "It better not be a pony. We just ate the last one."

"IwanttobelikeSticky!"

"Say what now?"

"I want to be…" Susan said with closed eyes and clenched fists, "I want to be like Mister Sticky. I want to... to..."

She looked down.

"I want to be like you."

"I never thought I'd say this," Gwen said, "but you are even crazier than I am! Woo!"

Susan giggled. Gwen hadn't wooed in a long time. It made her feel warm inside.

"And crazy is exactly the right word," Gwen continued. "You have NO idea what you are asking. When people say it's the worst thing that can happen to you, they aren't kidding… Are they, Sticky?"

"No. Ow," Sticky said with surprising clarity.

"He really likes it now, but getting there hurt, and look at him. I think he's beautiful, but I'm the only one."

She thinks he's beautiful!

"You are the only one I care about, ever cared about! If I can be beautiful to you I..."

"Nerd," Gwen said gently, "Susan, look. I'm the last person to play therapist. I mean the very last. It's cool that you like me and all..."

"Love you! I love you!" Susan blurted.

"Okay, love me. That is awesome."

"It is?!?"

"You are barking up the wrong psycho, but yeah. But even if I was gay, even if I was in love with you too, even the biggest love there is not worth getting dragged through hyperspace. You aren't going to turn out like me. You are going to turn out like Sticky. That will be great for me, and Sticky would love a new friend..."

"Rrrrrr!"

"But you will be FRIED. It's not like you are going to go away. You will still be in there. You will be in there every single time. You will be in there as your body twists, melts, breaks, and it all happens again. I didn’t' do it to Sticky because he was my friend. I did it because he killed my gram gram. I like you."

"You do?!?"

"Not that way, but yeah. You’re my nerd..."

Gwen paused and looked at her appraisingly.

"But I won't stop you if you show up before a jump. If you want to be strapped to the bed..."

Giggle.

“Not that way! Jesus!" Gwen laughed, "But you are definitely going to be strapped down for the first couple of runs. I can hook you up with... I can hook you up with something that means that you won't die right away. You will become a sticky. I don’t know how long a sticky will live, though. I don’t even know if stickies will even be remotely alike. You could die from this. You will worse than die from this."

"I'm rolling with Gwen on a pirate ship. I could die, anyway.”

Gwen smiled.

"Well, okay then. Think about it. Really think about it because there is no turning back. I’ll drag you if you want, but you should really get some therapy or whatever instead."

"I will, Gwen."

***

Two days later, Gwen and Mister Sticky were setting out a row of dolls, plush toys, figurines, and the like on the floor in what appeared to be some sort of obscene, occult tea party.

There was a timid knock at the door.

“Rur. Garrrur (gurgle).”

“I dunno, Sticky,” Gwen smiled, “I still think setting up Gram Gram was dumber.”

She turned towards the door.

“Come in!” she called out in a clear voice.

The door opened.

It was Susan.

“I… I’ve thought about it, really thought about it,” Susan said, “And I want it.”

“Look,” Gwen said, “If you are just doing this for me, I will be happy to… you know… I’m not that way, not really, but I’ve eaten worse.”

“No!” Susan said. “That’s what I thought about. I don’t want it for you. I want it for me.”

“Wha?” Gwen said, looking at Susan like she had gone mad, which she arguably had.

“I’ve always hated myself,” Susan said. “I’ve always felt like part of me was… missing? Does that make any sense?”

“More than a little bit,” Gwen said, “But have you thought about, I don’t know, a hobby or something?”

“Something is coming, Gwen,” Susan said, “And you know it. I want in! I hate being flat, empty… obsolete. I want this! I can’t think of anything else!”

“Take a long look at Sticky.”

“Rur!” he said brightly.

“You still want in?”

Susan nodded.

“Oooookay,” Gwen said. “Come on, Sticks, let’s break out the straps.”

***

All hands, prepare for jump.

Gwen and Mister sticky looked down at a bundle of blankets and straps with Susan tightly swaddled inside.

“Anything else you can think of, Sticky?” Gwen asked.

“Rarrr.”

“Got it right here,” Gwen said brightly and produced a freshly made mouthguard.

She looked down at Susan and smiled.

“Open wide.”

Susan did and Gwen put it in her mouth.

“Last chance, to stay a nerd, nerd,” Gwen laughed.

Three, two, one… JUMP!

The ship lurched in a distinctive way as it breached the veil between worlds.

“Ready, Ner…” Gwen paused. “Ready, Susan?”

Susan nodded.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Gwen said as she walked over to her chamber’s shield controls.

“Super duper last chance,” Gwen said. “After this, it’s forever… literally. Nod if you want me to do this.”

Susan nodded.

“Okay,” Gwen flipped the switch.

Susan screamed as the shield that was the only thing between them and a world in which they did NOT belong fell.

“Heeeeeyyyyy,” Gwen’s voice said as if being played slowly, “Yooouuuuu ooookkaaayyy?”

As impossible flooded her senses, Susan saw Gwen’s beautiful face, her real one.

Lost in the formless and timeless void, she stopped screaming as she finally achieved the one thing she wanted more than anything else.

She was able to look into Gwen’s beautiful eyes…

…forever.