Chapter 1653 Being Left Behind is Worse
--- Kamiko ---
"I don’t want you to go,"
The words were barely a whisper from Pip but Kamiko still heard them. At rank 3 her senses were more than good enough to pick up the words but Kamiko couldn’t help but wish she hadn’t heard anything. It was the first thing Pip had said in over and hour and Kamiko found she really didn’t have a good response.
*I’m not even sure if I was meant to hear that. But I did hear it. I don’t know if I can pretend not to. So do I say nothing? I mean… what if I was meant to hear it? Pip is smart and she knows that my senses are better then normal… and that everyone else’s senses are even better then mine. So what do I do here? What am I supposed to say? This isn’t the first time someone’s been sad to see me go but it feels so different… I don’t understand why… I mean… what am I even meant to do?*
"I’m sorry,"
"I don’t want you to apologise, I want you to stay longer," responded Pip.
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It took Kamiko a moment for her brain to realise what’s she’d done. Kamiko barely even registered that she was the one who said those two words earlier. So caught up was she in her internal dialogue, worrying about what the correct answer was while already knowing that there wasn’t one. Her heart had already given out an apology before her mind could work out what the best course of action was. Though, calling it the best might be overly generous.
Kamiko let out a long sigh. "It’s not my choice Pip. We’ve delayed things quite a bit to ensure that everyone who wanted to leave could, and that everyone who did leave would be ably equipped to face the future. The… the fate of the world is at stake so I can’t stay…"
"But the day is already half way over," insisted Pip, her voice cracking somewhat and no longer quite as quiet. Kamiko could see a few of the people nearby intentionally looking away but Kamiko wasn’t sure she’d ever felt more watched. "Can’t you just stay for a bit longer? You can leave tomorrow morning right?" n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om
Kamiko didn’t glance back at Meg or Hunter. It… it wasn’t really their fault. Sure she could blame Meg. Say that she was the one forcing this decision on them… but Meg had quite happily taken any delay she could back before the drake piece started moving. She wanted time with Hunter. Completing the mission was necessary but finishing it quickly definitely wasn’t the point. So… if even Meg wanted to ensure that they got moving? Especially when a break meant some quality time with Hunter. It would’ve even been away from everyone else!
So no, Kamiko couldn’t blame Meg. The worry about where the piece was going, the uncertainty of just how long it would take to catch up… it meant that once the dragonkin were all safe it was time to leave and that time was now. Even if the world wasn’t quite as in danger as she’d tried to imply with her words… completing the mission was important. Even for someone that didn’t grow up in a clan. Kamiko was a demon, and she had a contract to complete. Granted she wasn’t being forced or bound by terms as would be the norm… but knowing she was being watched? Judged? By her mother and others? That acted as chains aplenty.
"I’m sorry,"
It wasn’t much of an answer and Pip didn’t take it as one. She just pouted harder, gripping Kamiko’s outfit tighter in a clenched fist, shaking under the pressure she was exerting with her fingers. "I said I didn’t want an apology," begged Pip.
Kamiko let out a long slow breath. Frost seeping into her lungs and ice crystals forming mist in the air as she exhaled. Kamiko could feel her heart clench as she glanced down at Pip. *
This wasn’t meant to be so hard. What can I even do here? We NEED to leave and we’re going to be travelling at a speed Pip can’t help to match. There’s no way she can come…*
"Pip… you’ve got the workout crew, Brella, Corela, even Chasen Neoms and Sephy. There are plenty of people around to keep you company. I mean, even just the workout crew would protect you with their lives. You don’t need me here," Kamiko hated the words that came out of her mouth. They were all true but they weren’t what she wanted to say. They didn’t convey the message she wanted them to… but Kamiko didn’t know what that message was. She didn’t know what words she needed and her thoughts only held questions with no real answers.
"They don’t understand," answered Pip instinctively before wincing at the sharp tone she’d used. Taking a deep, shaky breath Pip recentered herself after a few deep breaths. "They don’t understand. I love them, and they love me and they’re my family. I believe you when you say they’d protect me with their lives and I… I appreciate that but… but they don’t UNDERSTAND. The chats I’ve had with you… I feel like you understand me and I’ve never had that before and I don’t want to give it up.
"I get that you have to leave. I get that you have to save the world and I understand that even if you didn’t you don’t really live HERE. To you… to you I guess this whole world is a lot like the compound… just a small slice of the REAL world so… so I get it you have to leave but I’m not ready for you to leave right now…
"And I don’t think I’m going to be ready tomorrow either. I get that. I’m not stupid. This sucks and I don’t like it at all… but you understand me. I don’t understand why. We… we just… I don’t even know what the words for it are… but you understand me and they don’t and I don’t know WHY and I don’t want you to leave even if I know you have to…"
Pip wiped away the tears that had just started to leak from her eyes. Kamiko so desperately wanted to do it for her… or wipe at her own face just in case. Instead Kamiko just started to slowly run her fingers through Pip’s hair. She didn’t have anything else to say right now. Other than another ’I’m sorry’ and she’d already said that enough.
"I…" Kamiko licked her lips as she tried to think of what to say. Why it might be that Pip felt like she understood. "I didn’t have the best childhood. My parents tried and they love me… but I’ve got quite a few siblings and most of them had their own lives so I didn’t see them all the time. The only one I did… her name is Aslena and even if we’ve made up…
"She made my life… not horrible. Never horrible because my parents loved me and so did my siblings… probably even Aslena but… she… she just DID things without considering how I’d feel for a long time… and then once she understood that it was causing me problems she’d still do it anyway.
"Because I never stood up for myself. I was never clear. I was shy, and I kept my problems to myself. It ATE at me because I never spoke up. Even though I never spoke up. I created those problem just as surely as Aslena… but SHE was the one I blamed. So… so I don’t know WHY it feels like we understand each other. Because I agree we do… but our… our childhoods aren’t all that similar, or maybe they are and only my heart understands why instead of my mind,"
As Kamiko started to finish speaking a spark of resolve manifested in her chest. She pulled her hand away from Pip and started to gather a massive amount of demonic energy into her cupped palms. After a few moments something started to take shape. It looked like a cross, but one made up of smaller crosses that matched her eyes. Inside each of them was a glowing ember of pink flame.
"So I guess I’m doing this. This here is a beacon or an emergency beacon. You can use it to summon me with just a bit of effort. I won’t always be able to come… and… and you need to realise that this isn’t a toy. It’s meant to be for emergencies or regular contracts. So make sure that you have something to serve as payment and something to request when you summon me. Plenty of people do use them just to keep in contact… but you can’t go overboard. Teleporting between dimensions can be expensive and if I’m not actually making anything when I use them I might start having to pay, or maybe you’ll be forced to…
"But… I guess what this means?" Pip’s tears were flowing freely as she gazed in awe at the glass-like construct. "I guess this means that it doesn’t have to be a goodbye. It can be a ’see you later’. Even if I can’t stay any longer I can come back. So… I hope that’s ok," The younger girl nodded and buried her face in Kamiko’s side. Not trusting herself to talk. This… this was ok. This was more than ok.
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