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Chapter 131: Bandits
Chapter 131: Bandits
Turns out this Sun guy is pretty nice. He doesn't seem to enjoy my cooking very much, but he'll probably get used to it after a while.
Usually, when I tell people about the not worshiping any god part they tend to be confused and in denial a bit. Well, not this guy. Somehow, he becomes passionate about it especially fast. I feel kinda bad now.
I get the feeling I am somehow tricking some nave child into doing something bad. Why did I not get that feeling with Zero? Go figure. Anyway, I talk a lot and he listens with stars in his eyes. On the side, the unicorn is listening intently too and Wolfie is looking a bit bored, she is used to it by now.
At some point, I tire myself out and it is time to sleep. The Sun guy insists to keep watch to keep us safe. Night watch? What's that? Seriously these roads seem so safe that nothing bad ever happens. It is pretty much a wasted effort. I try to tell him, but he says something about wild monsters and bandits.
Oh well, monsters mean more meat with the unicorn to defend us. Bandits what are they gonna steal? The remnants of my clothes? That'd be DISGUSTING! I am so broke that I am convinced no one sane would ever try to rob me.
The next morning I wake up to an extremely motivated party. Mostly because they know we'll have breakfast for once. Barbecue time! In a happy and warm atmosphere, we leave our temporary camp and hit the road again.
The scenery is amazing.
Some road and nothing else, road and some trees, road and a mountain, curve in the road, road and bandits. wait what?!
This is bad!
At some point, the path takes a turn. Right afterward, we come face to face with some familiar merchants and some shady-looking individuals. The latter having the former surrounded.
"Listen up hand out your possessions and we might just let you leave with your lives!"
A classic line for sure. That guy that insulted me earlier is there too. There seems to be some drama happening.
"Robbing us? Don't you know the backing we have?! If we turn up missing, there will be an army going your way to eradicate all of you guys! Get out and let us go through! You guys should instead target people like these ones *pointing at us* they are obviously alone, and no one will notice if they go missing!"
Wait what?! Why the hell is he directing their attention our way?!
Did I perhaps do anything to him? Why is he being such a dick?!
The bandit chief glances at me.
"No way, he looks more like a poor ghost than a human being. No point in even trying. Alright, pay up now, no time for your bullshit. You may have a few soldiers, but you guys are obviously outnumbered. Just give up already. We want all the gold and the food."
Thank you! Actuallyis he trying to insult me?! That merchant grumbles to no end but he does start handing some money and products over.
Wait, there seems to be something wrong there. Why is he complying so easily? Did he suddenly get scared or something? No, waitperhaps he has valuables hidden somewhere.
"Actually instead of robbing us, there is something else you could be doing. You see there is money to be made in catching vagrants like this one *pointing at me again*. How about it, you let us go and I'll introduce a trustworthy slave trader to you!"
Are you shitting me?! What is wrong with that fucking merchant?! My new companion whispers.
"How about we just keep walking and leave them here. Usually, I would help in case of a bandit attack, but I don't feel like these guys deserve it."
[*sigh* There is no way I can just remain a bystander here. We may not be friends but there is no way I will watch on the sidelines while something so very wrong happens. I am going over to help.]
He looks at me surprised. I wonder why. I start walking toward the bandit chief. He looks pretty manly and scary. Typical bad guy. Then as he is utterly confused, I pat his shoulder.
[*Sigh* You really seem like you need a hand. Just shut up and watch.]
Yep, I really couldn't watch that half-assed extortion attempt anymore. I turn toward the merchants.
[This is a fucking robbery! Men on the left, women on the right, traps in the middle! Remove every fucking piece of clothing and show all your valuables, all of them! Hurry up if you bitches don't want to be gutted open like fishes!]
Now, this is how a robbery should be done. With gusto, professionalism, and without compromising! Also, fuck these merchants. Treating me like a beggar was fine, but trying to sell me as a fucking slave? Screw them!
Elapses a long moment of silence, then the bandit leader shrugs.
"Do as he says! Otherwise, you guys are going to be gutted open "
[I already said that one. Go with something else. You can go with something like, better give up or all of you trashes are gonna get some bashes and end up in the fucking dumpster sooner than later!]
"All of you trashes are ."
[I. Said. That. One. Go with something along the lines of]
"Stop taking all the good lines! Do as he says, or you'll end up deader than dead!"
He really needs to work on his lines, like seriously.
Now everything is as should be. Every merchant quickly gets naked and hand over their stuff. Will you look at that for some reason that asshole is still wearing his boots! Of course, it is to keep his feet warm or not.
A bandit approaches him and starts searching until he finds a huge red jewel in one. It seems to be pulsating with light. That thing should be precious for sure. However, I am not someone that is greedy. I pick up a few of the coin purses then I prepare to leave.
That's when I notice that the bandits are now surrounding me. All glaring at me and the coins in my hands.
Wait! Didn't I just help these guys?! Why are they looking at me like that?!